|Success Attraction suc·cess: (n.) The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted|
|Secret To Getting Anything?|
If You Compare, Beware!
Picture this scene: Little Johnny's mother places a large piece of chocolate cake on his plate. He's pretty happy with it -- until he glances over at his brother's portion and notices that it's even bigger than his own. Suddenly Johnny is no longer satisfied with what he got. He starts to pout and complain, and may even resort to throwing his cake on the floor.
Sound familiar? If you didn't have this experience growing up, you have surely observed it in others. And it's not only kids who engage in this sort of comparison. Adults do it too.
Suppose you get a 10% raise at work. "That's pretty good," you might say to yourself. But a few days later you find out that someone else got 12%. Now you're not so pleased. Your inner brat starts grumbling about your raise not being fair, or not being nearly enough.
The actual dollar amount of your raise hasn't changed, but your attitude toward it has. Why?
It's a result of what psychologists call "social comparison." Humans are social animals, so it's natural to view ourselves in relation to other people. It's not necessarily bad, either:
- Much of our helping behavior and charitable giving come from comparing our own circumstances with those who are less fortunate.
- Social comparison is useful in situations where we're not quite sure how to act. Let's say you're attending services at a house of worship whose rituals and procedures are unfamiliar to you. You'll probably look around and see what everyone else is doing so that you can follow along.
- Social comparison contributes to order in society. When people dress, behave and speak in similar ways they feel a sense of belonging and loyalty within the group.
BUT THERE IS A DOWNSIDE TO SOCIAL COMPARISON. Routinely comparing yourself to others -- especially when it comes to money, talent, recognition and material possessions -- will invariably lead to dissatisfaction, even if you come out on top.
Research has shown that people who make a habit of such comparisons are generally less happy than are those who base their success on their own internal standards.
When you compare yourself to people who have more than you, your inner brat gets into gear. Just like little Johnny and the chocolate cake described above, your inner brat dwells on what's missing, which makes you feel victimized. You'll never be satisfied, no matter how much you have, as long as someone else has more.
This is the same mentality that fuels the huge salary demands by top athletes, actors and CEOs: "I'm making $20 million, but that's not enough because the other guy's getting $30 million."
If comparing yourself to people who have more than you makes you feel worse, should you instead concentrate on comparing yourself to those who have less or accomplished less? Actually, no. While it might be comforting for the moment, it could backfire in the long run.
You could end up feeling even less secure, worrying that you'll lose what you have. Or you might feel guilty for having more than others, such that you subconsciously sabotage your future success.
It's best not to compare yourself to anyone. Other people's achievements don't diminish your own, and their misfortunes do not improve your lot.
This doesn't mean that you shouldn't compete, nor that you shouldn't strive to improve. However, do it for the right reasons -- not because your inner brat is whining, but rather to develop and grow. That way, you'll enjoy your accomplishments so much more.
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Wildcat Canyon Press, 2004) She is also a life coach.
Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.
Top 5 Sources of Energy Drain
Along with time and money, energy is one of your most valuable resources. And if you're a professional woman, it's a resource that's most likely in short supply. With the myriad number of professional and personal tasks you need to accomplish, while taking care of your family, you have very little - if any - energy left over for you. It's easy to understand your dilemma.
Three Keys to Greatness
Ten years ago I went into the studio and recorded a 56-minute video for teenagers called "Three Keys To Greatness." Although my focus was for teenagers, the principles I shared certainly apply to adults as well.
The Synchronicity of Success
I love the idea of synchronicity.
Psychological Tips For Effective Examination Techniques
One of the inevitabilities of University life is the examination. It is your opportunity to demonstrate your new knowledge and to reap the rewards. Examination remains one of the most common forms of assessment in higher education. It is vitally important to prepare well in advance to give yourself the best chance of success.
Success: The Slight-Edge Formula
Self-improvement; A great deal has been written on the subject, but does any anyone really know how to successfully implement a creative and manageable plan for its accomplishment? The concept involves goal setting, planning, time management as well as patience, faith, understanding and real desire. Too many times, people approach self improvement haphazardly, unfocused and unclear as to exactly what they want. This is not a paper specifically concerning goal-setting, that will be addressed another time in greater detail, but rather a blueprint for the implementation of the plan you generate during your own self-improvement goal setting exercise.
Reach Your Goals - Get Your Act Together
Get your act together
Build Rapport Through Buzzwords
What if I told you that you could be more influential and powerful and all you'll have to remember one simple thing? To persuade your people, all you have to do is: "Cook their favorite meal before they're hungry..."
The Role of Failure in Success
Does the thought of failure send a cold shiver down your spine? Failure is the thing most of us spend the greatest amount of energy trying to avoid. What is failure?
+ Persistence =
"Never, never, never give up; never give up, never!." - Winston Churchill
Avoid The Thirteen Habits of a Failure
Jim Rohn, the success guru and mentor, said, "Failure is a few errors in judgment repeated every day." The word to watch is "repeated."
Personal Development Legend Jim Rohn Turns 70 and Still Going Strong
Jim Rohn, noted leader and speaker in the personal development industry, recently celebrated his 70th birthday in international style - 21 birthday cakes in 15 different cities.
Learning From Failure--What To Do When You Blow It!
Becoming successful is not easy. We all get tossed around somewhat in our attempts to win or succeed. Learning opportunities are usually created by the "I-Blew-Its".
Your Own Worth Should be Worth Success
1. Always know exactly what you want and allow your whole being to strive, without wavering, to follow the path to fulfilling your plan.
What is Success Really?
Every single one of us is trying to reach success. (Whatever that is!)
Quantum Success Thinking
It sounds simple- right? You are where you THINK you are! And it is simple but do we practice it? Of course we are where we think we are! The question is where do YOU think you are?
The Art of Adapting to Change
One of the main reasons that may hinder us from reaching our innermost goals and desires is our inability to be flexible.
Key Things Ive Learned From Studying The Lives of Great Achievers
I've long been a student of those who have achieved high levels of success. Over the years I've noticed several common threads in the makeup of the people I've studied. I'd like to recount several of those traits for you in the hope that in identifying them, you can implement these qualities into your own life and in turn be better as a result.
The Formula For Failure and Success
(Excepted from the book The Five Major Pieces to the Life Puzzle by Jim Rohn)
Success Lessons From Three UK Soccer Managers - People Are Always Quick To Put You In A Coffin
Arsenal Football Club were the Champions of the Premier league in English soccer in 2004. This year they have not done as well and are only in third place.
What Do You Know?
"When I think back on all the crap I learned in high school It's a wonder I can think at all"
|home | site map|