Success Attraction suc·cess: (n.) The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted |
|
|
Secret To Getting Anything? | |
Dont Let Conflict Keep You from Success
Anytime you are making ground and moving toward success, there will inevitably be the opportunity for conflict. That is just a fact of life. You put two people or more in a group and there is potential for conflict - and conflict, improperly handled, can destroy your ability to continue on and achieve your goals. This is true in many areas of life, from the boardroom to the schoolroom. It can happen in marriage and it can happen between friends and business associates. And when conflict goes bad, success doesn't happen. The good news is that conflict can be healthy and can actually move you closer to success. Success is based on relationships and relationships offer the chance of conflict, so to get success, you must master conflict. So with that in mind, here are some ideas for handling conflict. When you are the one who is confronting the problem with someone else: 1. Don't assume. Don't assume the worst. Don't assume that they meant what you think they did. Don't assume they know any better. Don't assume they did it on purpose. The fact is that most of the time our assumptions are incorrect and all our assumptions do is cause us to get out of a deeper hole. 2. Ask questions. Since you can't assume anything, you must begin your confrontation by finding out the facts as that person sees them. Here are some questions to ask: What was your intention in saying or doing that (Maybe they had good but misguided intentions)? What were the thoughts behind those words or actions (Maybe they actually have a well thought out position that you hadn't thought of)? Are you aware of how that might have been perceived (Maybe they just missed how that would be seen. Everybody is entitled to blow it)? 3. Tell them how you perceive things, or how you feel, rather than what they did. It is never good to start out with telling somebody, "You did this!" Instead, you can say something like, "I feel like your action may have been better if you would have..." Or, "I think that the way that came across may have been..." 4. Deal with one issue at a time. If they battle back a bit, you may be tempted to say, "Well, that isn't all! As a matter of fact, a number of us here think that you also need to work on..." If there is another issue, then deal with it at a separate time. Too many conflicts go around and around and don't end up solving the original issue. Stick to one point and see it through to understanding. When someone is confronting you: 1. Don't take it personally. Worst-case scenario, you blew it. But that doesn't make you a bad person. So don't act like they have accused your character (unless they have, in which case you should try to get the conversation back to the facts). When we take things personally we become even more protective and we tend to become defensive and in the end escalate the conflict even more. 2. Don't counterattack. This gets back to dealing with one issue at a time. Don't try to justify or hide from the conflict the person has with you by showing him or her their problems. If they have a problem, great, talk about it later. Don't muddy the waters with debate about who is better, or as the case may be, less guilty. As hard as it may be, let the conversation run its course until it is solved. 3. Ask for some time to give it objective reflection. One way to stop conflict from escalating is simply to ask for time to consider it. Most of the time when people confront us, we had no idea it was coming. Our natural tendency is to fight out of reaction. If we go and think about it, we can be objective and approach the situation objectively, or at least more so. 4. Set a time to get back with them and discuss the issue. Let the person know that you take their concern seriously and that you want to deal with it in a timely manner. Set a time, no more than three days away, to get back together. You will keep from reacting, and they may even find that they had confronted too soon themselves. Either way: 1. Keep your eye on the big picture. Is this the hill you want to die on? Determine how important this issue really is. Most things simply aren't worth getting too upset about, or so upset that the relationship breaks down. Is a productive business relationship worth sacrificing over the fact that you partner wears too much cologne or their spouse talks loudly at parties? Of course not, but some people go to war over those things. Is your husband worth giving up on because he leaves his underwear on the floor? Now, for the sake of argument, the reverse is true: The other person could wear less cologne or pick up their underwear, because that is an easy way to make the other person happy. Ask yourself if this is really a big deal. If it is, proceed. 2. Always respect the other person as a person. No matter what they have done, they are a person of value and deserve to be treated that way. They are not summed up and defined by their mistake. They have hopes and dreams, fears and worries, strengths and weaknesses. Take some time to picture them outside the office, playing with their kids or doing something fun. This will personalize your issue and keep you from going overboard. 3. Be solution oriented. Whatever you do, don't focus on the problem. Ask yourself and the other person to approach the issue with the idea that you are both working for a solution that will be mutually beneficial. Rather than ask, "Why in the world did you do that stupid thing? What were you thinking?" Ask, "Okay, what is done is done - what can we do to fix this again?" That is much more productive. The goal is to get things going again, not continually punish the other person Conflict doesn't have to end in a bad way. In fact, it can cause you to develop a deeper and more trusting relationship with the person you have had conflict with. So the next time you have to confront, or you are being confronted, follow the advice above and you will be much further along toward getting through your conflict in a positive way. About The Author: Chris Widener is a popular speaker and writer as well as the President of Made for Success, a company helping individuals and organizations turn their potential into performance, succeed in every area of their lives and achieve their dreams. To see Chris "live" at the upcoming Jim Rohn Weekend Event as he speaks on the subject of Secrets of Influence go to http://Chris-Widener.InspiresYOU.com/ or call 800-929-0434.
|
RELATED ARTICLES
The Winning Edge Theory One of the greatest challenges people face when trying to make personal improvement is feeling overwhelmed. This probably stems from the belief that in order to make incredible progress in their life, they will have to start by creating a long and detailed list of the things they are doing wrong and all the things they are going to have to change. What Am I Going To Do With The Rest Of My Life? Unexpected life changes. Anticipated transitions. Long, sleepless nights. What do these three things have in common? The ability to provoke one of the most haunting questions in the library of human introspectives: The Fuel That Drives The Ultimate Lifestyle In a recent article (What is The Ultimate Lifestyle), I talked about the 8 core components that define "The Ultimate Lifestyle." 10 Critical Success Clues I don't need to be a gypsy fortune teller to tell your fortune. I can tell with a 95% certainty whether or not a person is (or is going to be) successful. Reach Your Goals - Creative Multi-Tasking Multi-task goal-completion work with everyday, "have to" activities The Parable of the Touchstone The Great Library of Alexandria once held the wisdom of the ancient world. When it burned down, billions of invaluable thoughts perished. One book, however, survived. Since it wasn't considered a valuable book, a poor man bought it for a few coppers. He was not very literate and thought the book dull. The only thing of interest to him was a thin strip of vellum. Written on it was the secret known as the "Touchstone." Step Up To Success Sometimes it is better to just get on with doing something rather than thinking and planning for too long. If You Compare, Beware! Picture this scene: Little Johnny's mother places a large piece of chocolate cake on his plate. He's pretty happy with it -- until he glances over at his brother's portion and notices that it's even bigger than his own. Suddenly Johnny is no longer satisfied with what he got. He starts to pout and complain, and may even resort to throwing his cake on the floor. The #1 Success Secret of All Time From time to time I receive correspondence from individuals with questions and concerns about their own individual prospects for personal and/or monetary success. The concerns from one request to the next are usually very similar... The Psychology Of Success; Part 2 In the first part of this article you learned some very important psychological skills for success. You learned how to build up your self-confidence and how to be assertive, fairly. And, how to ask for what you want, but without being confrontational. The Power of Mind-Imagery Today I feel inspired that I should speak more to the framework of a successful mindset. We've already discussed how to ignore negative thoughts and encourage positive thoughts by monitoring what we allow to dwell in our minds. We've also talked about the power of affirmations in changing our inner-talk to things we want in our lives. Today I think we should focus on how to use vivid imagery to obtain the things of our heart's desire. I call this "Mind-Imagery." Self-Confidence Is The Key To Personal And Professional Success In my audio program Book Yourself Solid, The 7 Keys To Getting More Clients Than You Can Handle Even If You Hate Marketing And Selling, I focus on the nitty gritty of what to do to get loads of clients but the real key and what I try to deep into is what you need to do for yourself to take action. Advance Your Enthusiasm and Determination for Success Imagine being firmly committed to your deepest ambitions. Imagine feeling energetic and enthusiastic about your relationships, career, and all the things you want. Envision a future as bright and promising as any you have ever imagined. Change Your Results by Changing Your Expectations Our expectations get us into a lot of trouble and often cause a lot of stress. We expect our customers to always come back; we expect our boss to behave in a certain way; we expect the company we work for to take care of us; and we expect coworkers to be team players. Three Things You Must Know to Attract Success Everyone wants success. Top 10 Strategies Of Highly Successful Professionals Last Thursday evening, I was the guest of a group of therapists who interviewed me about how I've built my businesses over the years ? both my therapy offices and my coaching business. Their probing, and very pointed, questions dramatically helped me clarify exactly what strategies have worked for me and my clients over the years. I hope you enjoy it. It is as solid and tight a summary of what has worked for me over the years as anything I've ever written. I'm quite proud of it, at least as an accurate reflection of what has worked for me. Swotting for Success Not so long ago, I impressed the daylights out of a friend, by showing him his face on my PC's screen. As I tapped away at the minus key, the picture slowly zoomed-out, revealing that it was a picture of the two of us, and it soon became clear where the picture was taken. As I continued to zoom out, more details came into view; the picture was actually a small part of a scanned photograph of the two of us sitting by my desk, watching the monitor. The photo was merely lying on the desk when the high-resolution picture was taken. Patient Persistence Pays Off in a Big Way! Energy and persistence conquer all things. - Benjamin Franklin Five Tips for Perfect Transition Decisions You're considering a new career, new place to live or new business, retirement, or any other move. You ask, "Will I be happy?" If you remember the old, old song, "What will be" may not be the answer you're looking for. Perseverance - Your Key To Success If failure is the roadway, then Perseverance is the vehicle to success. Not to forget, Persistent determination of yours is to achieve the goal, your ultimate objective; not to deviate from the main vision of yours by acting presumptuously?. A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light, and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin.The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. So, this the man did, day after day. |
home | site map |
© 2005-2008 Attracting Success |