Success Attraction suc·cess: (n.) The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted |
|
|
Secret To Getting Anything? | |
Dealing with Difficult People--Go Ahead, Rain on My Parade
"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow."--Jerry Chin Rain is vital to all life on earth, and is the main way that water from the sky fills our lakes and rivers, and provides nourishment and growth. Most of the time we do not look forward to the rain, but without it, we will most likely not be able to enjoy luscious fruits and vegetables, or experience the warm and moist feeling of green grass as it cushions our bare feet. Interpersonal conflict is like a rain shower-a small local burst of rain that lasts a short time. Rain showers are usually of light to moderate intensity and likely to start and stop suddenly. You can predict when they occur by the rapid change in the sky's appearance as they approach. The same is true of most interpersonal conflict--those small micro-bursts of anger or disagreement that seem to flare up quickly and cease just as suddenly. The aphorism rain on my parade reminds us of the unpleasantness of conflict. Yet, some unpleasant occurrences bring about better things. Conflict develops even among the finest of people. Whenever there is disagreement, a difference of opinion, a different approach, a departure from the way we do things around here, there is conflict. These little showers of light to moderate temper or anger are made to last just a short time. Yet, when we approach them the wrong way (and there is a wrong way), they can become full-blown conflict thunderstorms. Unlike ordinary rain showers, thunderstorms are rain combined with wind and lightning. They form worldwide, spit out deadly lightning, band together to form hurricanes, and can spin up the world's fastest winds inside tornadoes. Been caught in any conflict thunderstorms lately? THE REAL SECRET While we cannot control or change others, we can take responsibility for our own actions, attitudes, and behavior. So how do we respond when people want to rain on our parades? Use The U-M-B-R-E-L-L-A: U = Understand. Make an attempt to understand as well as to be understood. Don't let the other person's difficult behavior preoccupy you; then you can deal with it directly. M = Manage. Manage conflict while it is occurring. Look for the real issue which is usually found at the root of the problem. Don't allow yourself to be distracted by minor spats or side issues that distract and get in the way. B = Breathe. Use a variety of stress-reducing strategies when you are in the midst of conflict. Try breathing slowly and deeply to regulate stress producing adrenalin. Take a break when conversations get heated, and above all, control your impulses. R = Respond. Remain calm and act in a non-defensive and non-reactive way. The ability to be calm in the face of conflict will help you to think more clearly and carefully. E = Embrace. Go directly to those with whom you disagree or have a conflict. Avoid behind-the-back criticism. If this fails, then ask an objective third-party to act as facilitator in resolving the conflict. L = Listen. Be quick to listen and when listening do so carefully. Summarize and check out what is heard before responding. Be slow to judge, avoid name-calling, and threatening. L = Learn. Examine key learnings from the conflict. Conflict, though painful, is necessary for growth and maturity. Ask yourself, "What can I learn here? Do I need to change my behavior or offer an apology?" Enter into each conflict situation with a learning mindset. A = Accept. Conflict is a normal part of life, so accept that it will happen and most likely happen often. The people we find the most difficult are also those who offer the greatest opportunities for growth. WHAT ABOUT COMMUNICATION? Wherever conflict exists, no matter what its cause or reason, communication has played a key role. Poor communication has either initiated the conflict or kept it going. Good communication will lead to a mutually agreeable solution. It promotes a give-and-take open dialogue that focuses on the problem not the emotion. We all have difficult people in our lives-you know, those folks of radically differing viewpoints who anger, exasperate, frustrate, and nearly drive us out of our minds! Difficult people tend to rain on our parades. Just when things are going well and we're marching in the success procession, a short but violent conflict shower or thunderstorm will often break out. An instinctive response is usually not the best one because we are caught unawares. So we reply back with a storm of our own, and before you know it, a deluge accompanied by hurricane force winds floods our relationships and ruins our parades. IN THE END, YOU MATTER? You are responsible for deciding how you will respond to conflict and difficult people. The U-M-B-R-E-L-L-A along with good communication will ensure that you don't get wet! So, let it rain...It's Just a Parade! Althea DeBrule is co-owner of RADSGroup Organizational Consultants, a Stamford, CT based firm that helps organizations to increase their effectiveness and individuals to maximize their professional and leadership potential. She has over 30 years demonstrated and celebrated leadership experience both domestically and internationally in human resources and executive development. Entrepreneur and seasoned executive, she has focused throughout her career on helping workers achieve their career goals. For information on how The RADSGroup can help you with your career needs, visit http://www.radsgroup.com/
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Keys To Prosperity Is it possible to get rich quick using the power of your mind? Sometimes, I think the only people getting rich are the authors of bestsellers with titles such as "Simply Abundant, Creating Prosperity and Miracle Power For Infinite Riches". However, we keep buying these books, because most of us have also experienced first-hand the consequences of a law of nature: do a good deed and it comes back to you. Do something mean and it comes right back at you to slap you in the face. Many of our minor wishes seem to come true -- "I'd like to have soup for dinner", or " Please let that cheque arrive in time to cover the rent." So why is it that when we try to mentally will more money into our lives, the kind of abundance that would have us set for life, that our mental powers seem to fail? Success - Overcoming Bodily Conditions Which Seem Impossible of Change Conditions differ from circumstances. Circumstances are changeable conditions which merely "stand around about you," and, of them, have no stability. They are created by man, and can be overcome by man. Lessons from My Garden What does "Lessons from My Garden" have to do with "getting organized? One of the things I've learned after 20+ years as an organizing consultant is that organizing has something to do with everything! Five Principals for Prosperity Many years ago, forty to be exact, I started my own business at the tender age of nineteen. The street markets in and around Manchester England was my happy hunting ground. Every day was an adventure and despite the weather and difficulties of getting a stall on the street market, life was always fun and enjoyable. There was always some comical incident, even when I had to stand in the pouring rain, with no customers in sight. And if there was no amusing event to focus on I created one and made other people laugh. Raise Your Bar: The Power of Yes Every one of us lives with a ceiling, a belief ceiling. Some ceilings are lower than others. Beyond that ceiling is all that is not yet known to us -- all the possibilities of possibilities. Raising our bar takes conscious awareness and embracing new experiences. Here is an experience that will inch your bar delightfully and positively higher. The exercise isn't hard to understand, hard to learn, nor hard to complete. Yet, you do need to approach the exercise with a child-like openness, maybe even a few giggles, and allow the harvest of your labor be its own journey. The Not So Secret Secrets of Success Have you ever heard of the "secrets of success"? Many times people are trying to sell you these "secrets" for a very high price! Well, in my five years of Internet marketing experience, I haven't learned any "secrets". 5 Ways To SuperSize Your Life McDonald's does it, why shouldn't you? Life is filled with choices; why not choose to live life in a more satisfying way. Choice and Change - The Two Constants OK, so here we are. We've switched the calendars out and made our resolutions. Now it's time to set about the process of making those changes we've resolved to make. You haven't forgotten already have you? Simple Money Spells Magic doesn't have to be complicated. Here are some very simple rituals that might help you increase the overall prosperity in your life. Some are old, some are new, but one thing is certain they are all very superstitious. Enterprise Is Better than Ease If we are involved in a project, how hard should we work at it? How much time should we put in? Freedom In Starting Over The story that is being used to illustrate the concepts of a lesson in life excavation and renewal is inspired by actual events. As a writer one of my greatest thrills is spinning life into what I hope will be original creations that inform you. 5 Key Ways to Attract Abundance and Prosperity When you hear the words "abundance" and "prosperity", what immediately comes to mind?Is it money, fulfilling relationships, a lovely house to live in, peace of mind, a career/vocation that expresses your gifts? Success; So Close, Yet So Far Away! Have you ever had this feeling? You're standing in front of a huge safe; in this safe, is all the wealth, happiness, success, love and health the world could offer. This safe has a combination lock on it and you know all the numbers to open it, except one. :>( Just one lousy number! And, if you knew that one number, you could open the door! What we need is a "safe" bet! Opportunities for Success: A Nickel in the Road Exercising is not one of my favorite pastimes but I know it's good for me. So every day I try to get outside and take a 2-mile walk. Most days I carry a small notebook and pen with me so that I can jot down the random brilliant thoughts that come to me as I stroll around the neighborhood. Life Lesson--Be, Do, Have This revelation hit me the other day while I was listening to a cassette on having financial balance in your life. On the tape, the author talked about a goal setting seminar he went to. The lesson he was revealing is that too often when we set goals, we are setting the "have" part of the equation, then "doing" the work of getting to the goal without ever making the effort to "be" anything. Who Makes You Better? Commit yourself to spending time only with people who are working to have a good life. Negative or lazy people will discourage you and bring you down to their level. As an old English saying goes, Are You the Reason for Your Lack of Success? Have you ever noticed when playing a video game, or even working on a computer software program, that you sometimes wish it would go somewhere or do a particular task, but no matter what you do it won't do it. Why You Cant Budget For Success Do you constantly find yourself saying "I can't afford it" or "It's not in my budget"? Affirm Your Intentions - Achieve Your Goals Affirmations are emotionally driven statements of intention and faith that guide thought and action. Affirmation comes from the Latin firmus, meaning strong. Affirmations recognize and assert the existence of personal truths. These statements can be powerfully effective for developing and strengthening thought patterns, and thus actions, needed to achieve goals. These thought patterns also attract the situations we affirm to be true. 10 Principles of Success How do we define success? Webster's dictionary defines success as " the attainment of wealth, favor , or eminence." I think we would agree that Webster's definition is quite accurate in terms of how we look at people that we perceive to be "successful". |
home | site map |
© 2005-2008 Attracting Success |